• The Failed Filipino

    One thing I’m insecure about is that I feel like I am not Filipino enough. Among my Filipino friends, there is a running joke that I call myself a Failed Filipino. I know it’s not true, but deep down inside I feel inadequate because I don’t speak Tagalog and I don’t cook Filipino food. Around…

  • Raised by VHS and Spamwiches

    Every day after school, my brothers and I walked home to an empty house. No one was waiting for us. It was normal not to have parents greeting us at the door when we walked in. My brothers and I were latchkey kids, which shaped a lot of who I am now. I learned the…

  • Apparently, Later Had Arrived

    I have graduated from taking Zoloft, and it’s been a complete trip. I didn’t realize how much of my emotions had been suppressed. I mean, it did a great job while I was trying to process all of the heavy stuff that came with depression. Though now, I’m starting to understand myself differently. Here I…

  • The Audacity of My Hormones at 42

    I have become the person who carries a neck fan and a paper fan in her purse. Why? Because my body runs at 105 degrees Fahrenheit ALL. THE. TIME. I hate it. Last spring, I joined a women’s golf club that ran into fall. Every Friday, we would meet at 6 PM for practice. Practice…

  • LoJack

    This month marks a full year since my dog LoJack passed. I know I haven’t fully healed because when I think about him, I tear up and immediately have to think about something else. I was seeing my therapist when LoJack passed, but I couldn’t focus on just that event. My mom was going through…

  • The Sentence That Never Really Left

    One of my core memories as a teenager was spending time at my friends’ houses. Not to do homework, but to hang out, call boys, and eat whatever their moms were making. Every year, a new family would take me in. It felt nice. One day, after coming back from my friend’s house, my mom…

  • I’m Not Cold, I’m Processing

    Hello. My name is Jen, and I suffer from resting bitch face. I didn’t realize it for a long time. I also didn’t know there was a name for it. I was in my mid-30s when I first heard the phrase—and honestly, it felt both offensive and accurate. Sure, I could try to soften my…

  • The Energy It Takes to Be ‘On’

    For 17 years of my young adult life, I worked in retail. Women’s and men’s apparel, accessories, shoes, luxury, juniors, fast fashion — you name it, I was most likely there. Retail taught me a lot about people. Some of it was good. A lot of it was… not. The hardest part wasn’t the long…

  • The Things I Convince Myself I’ll Do Tomorrow

    How I start my Mondays usually determines how the rest of my week goes. My weekends are typically filled with family outings, time with friends, or a date with my husband. I look forward to Mondays — getting back into my routine. Unless I decide, for a week and a half, to completely rebel against…

  • The Version of Me Before Liam

    Young Jen would probably be surprised how I turned out. I’d say the 42-year-old version of me — married for almost nine years, raising a four-year-old — has found her joy. Jen BC came from the IDGAF era, but with a lot of teen anguish mixed in. A lot of that came from childhood and…